Relapse

I binge it's what I do.  It used to be alcohol (sober 20 years last April) but now it is food.  It is not who I am it is what I do to cover up the inadequate feelings I have about myself.  I know all of the buzz words and all of the reasons that I should not feel this way but it does not make it go away. I binge when I am angry, stressed, feeling like I failed in some way or want to avoid conflict which only creates inner conflict then leads to binge sessions.

I say this only so others will not think they are alone.  I have heard it said that confession is good for the soul and mine is so weary as of late.  I am tired of fakery and pretending that the ugly things in life don't exist.  I can only work on the ugly in my life when I acknowledge that it is there and I am not perfect at it and probably never will be.   

I am very blessed to have the Lord in my life and will continue to seek him because as long as I have been fighting this addiction it is only he that brings relief.  I don't ask that you understand in the sense of attempting to help me cure this I only ask that you understand in the attempt to not judge me for this.  Love is all I ask.  Baby steps in everything for now.

Love and Prayers,
Kim

No Magic!!!

I wanted to do a touchdown dance this week.  I weighed in and lost 3 pounds over all and 2 inches off of my tummy.  It may not sound like much to most people but I earned every bit of it on the bike and treadmill.  I made a commitment to myself that I am going to communicate better..fret less and stop eating my inadequacies.  I am not perfect I realize that and that is ok...I finally accept that part.

There is no magic pill or powder or potion.  There is hard work educating yourself and not feeling guilty about making time for yourself.  I am on a journey of health and wellness that includes all of me physical emotional and spiritual.  I am more comfortable in my skin everyday and have never felt better in my life.  I will keep you up dated.

The formula I am using is taking your current weight x 7 = daily calorie allowance... then divide that by 4 = how much for each meal (breakfast, lunch and supper) then the last 1/4 left divide by 2 and that is how many calories you can have at each snack time.  You have to recalculate every 5 pound weight loss so you keep losing and make certain you get healthy calories not empty.  I do not have the calculations for maintenance yet but we will cross that bridge as we get closer.

If you like mayo but not the calories make your own at only 12 calories per serving;
1/2 cup FF Yogurt (120g)


1/2 cup 1% Cottage Cheese (120g)

2 tsp Dijon Mustard (reduce if you are not a mustard fan)

1 tsp Olive Oil (opt. - improves texture and flavor)

1/4 tsp Ground Mustard Seed (opt. - adds some 'kick')

1/2 tsp Garlic Powder

1/2 tsp Onion Powder

1/4 tsp Salt (opt. - but brings out the flavors well)

Directions
combine all ingredients in a measuring cup or other narrow round container. Blend with a Stick Blender until everything is smooth.

makes 16 servings (1Tbsp)

Variations:

for Tartar Sauce:
add chopped dill pickles, horse radish


for Ranch:
add dill weed, parsley, green onions


for Southwestern style dip
add 3 TBSP hot salsa, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1/2 tsp mild chili powder, 1/2 tsp paprika