I binge it's what I do. It used to be alcohol (sober 20 years last April) but now it is food. It is not who I am it is what I do to cover up the inadequate feelings I have about myself. I know all of the buzz words and all of the reasons that I should not feel this way but it does not make it go away. I binge when I am angry, stressed, feeling like I failed in some way or want to avoid conflict which only creates inner conflict then leads to binge sessions.
I say this only so others will not think they are alone. I have heard it said that confession is good for the soul and mine is so weary as of late. I am tired of fakery and pretending that the ugly things in life don't exist. I can only work on the ugly in my life when I acknowledge that it is there and I am not perfect at it and probably never will be.
I am very blessed to have the Lord in my life and will continue to seek him because as long as I have been fighting this addiction it is only he that brings relief. I don't ask that you understand in the sense of attempting to help me cure this I only ask that you understand in the attempt to not judge me for this. Love is all I ask. Baby steps in everything for now.
Love and Prayers,
Kim
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
No Magic!!!
I wanted to do a touchdown dance this week. I weighed in and lost 3 pounds over all and 2 inches off of my tummy. It may not sound like much to most people but I earned every bit of it on the bike and treadmill. I made a commitment to myself that I am going to communicate better..fret less and stop eating my inadequacies. I am not perfect I realize that and that is ok...I finally accept that part.
There is no magic pill or powder or potion. There is hard work educating yourself and not feeling guilty about making time for yourself. I am on a journey of health and wellness that includes all of me physical emotional and spiritual. I am more comfortable in my skin everyday and have never felt better in my life. I will keep you up dated.
The formula I am using is taking your current weight x 7 = daily calorie allowance... then divide that by 4 = how much for each meal (breakfast, lunch and supper) then the last 1/4 left divide by 2 and that is how many calories you can have at each snack time. You have to recalculate every 5 pound weight loss so you keep losing and make certain you get healthy calories not empty. I do not have the calculations for maintenance yet but we will cross that bridge as we get closer.
If you like mayo but not the calories make your own at only 12 calories per serving;
1/2 cup FF Yogurt (120g)
1/2 cup 1% Cottage Cheese (120g)
2 tsp Dijon Mustard (reduce if you are not a mustard fan)
1 tsp Olive Oil (opt. - improves texture and flavor)
1/4 tsp Ground Mustard Seed (opt. - adds some 'kick')
1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp Onion Powder
1/4 tsp Salt (opt. - but brings out the flavors well)
Directions
combine all ingredients in a measuring cup or other narrow round container. Blend with a Stick Blender until everything is smooth.
makes 16 servings (1Tbsp)
Variations:
for Tartar Sauce:
add chopped dill pickles, horse radish
for Ranch:
add dill weed, parsley, green onions
for Southwestern style dip
add 3 TBSP hot salsa, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1/2 tsp mild chili powder, 1/2 tsp paprika
There is no magic pill or powder or potion. There is hard work educating yourself and not feeling guilty about making time for yourself. I am on a journey of health and wellness that includes all of me physical emotional and spiritual. I am more comfortable in my skin everyday and have never felt better in my life. I will keep you up dated.
The formula I am using is taking your current weight x 7 = daily calorie allowance... then divide that by 4 = how much for each meal (breakfast, lunch and supper) then the last 1/4 left divide by 2 and that is how many calories you can have at each snack time. You have to recalculate every 5 pound weight loss so you keep losing and make certain you get healthy calories not empty. I do not have the calculations for maintenance yet but we will cross that bridge as we get closer.
If you like mayo but not the calories make your own at only 12 calories per serving;
1/2 cup FF Yogurt (120g)
1/2 cup 1% Cottage Cheese (120g)
2 tsp Dijon Mustard (reduce if you are not a mustard fan)
1 tsp Olive Oil (opt. - improves texture and flavor)
1/4 tsp Ground Mustard Seed (opt. - adds some 'kick')
1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp Onion Powder
1/4 tsp Salt (opt. - but brings out the flavors well)
Directions
combine all ingredients in a measuring cup or other narrow round container. Blend with a Stick Blender until everything is smooth.
makes 16 servings (1Tbsp)
Variations:
for Tartar Sauce:
add chopped dill pickles, horse radish
for Ranch:
add dill weed, parsley, green onions
for Southwestern style dip
add 3 TBSP hot salsa, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1/2 tsp mild chili powder, 1/2 tsp paprika
Friday, December 31, 2010
Celebration Sanity 101
Just thought my first post for the new year or last post for the old year should be a helpful one. I don't know about anyone else but I love to have people over and I love to cook for everyone. It does not have to be a crazy stressful time if you are prepared. I will share my preparedness plan with you that can be applied to just about any get together.
Two weeks before the event I sat down and wrote out our menu including items I knew I would be asking guests to bring. This way nothing gets left out and I can see on paper that it is covered. The week before the event I write on my calendar what I need to do each day according to the menu laid out. I also make certain I have easy meals for that week because I know I will be busy.
Menu items I needed to make: Ham, Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing/dressing, corn, apple pie, pumpkin pie, fudge, cupcakes, ganache filled chocolates and cookie cups and sugar cookies.
Monday: Take out and clean all extra serving dishes, make pie crusts 1- single and 1 - double (wrap tightly in plastic wrap and then place in a Ziploc bag and refrigerate) Do bigger cleaning today and just keep up on all week. Supper is chicken and biscuits this day.
Tuesday: Take ham out to thaw, get out and clean all table linens along with figuring out which tables will be needed and where (folding tables downstairs for the kids, or another one upstairs for food to be placed upon) Bake cupcakes, cool and place in a cake box or any box and cover with plastic wrap. Bake sugar cookies. Supper is tater tot casserole
Wednesday: Take Turkey out to thaw, make fudges (chocolate mint, butterscotch and peanut butter), Supper is leftover buffet. Get ham prepared so only have to put it into the oven in the morning. (I used the Reynolds cooking bags with honey or agave nectar and 1 can pineapple chunks with juices) Doing this the night before also allows the ham to marinate a bit.
Thursday: Last minute cleaning (big cleaning day was earlier in the week and now just have to do a wipe down). Bake ham, slice and put in crock pot with juices. Eating some of the ham this day because there is plenty. Get Turkey all ready to go again with a Reynolds cooking bag sprinkle turkey gravy mix over turkey then a small can of chicken broth and leave in fridge over night. frost and decorate cupcakes. Can frost cookies here but they really do not need to be frosted most people will appreciate something a bit less sweet.
Friday: Put turkey in right away in the morning, make chocolate ganache, fill cookie cups and white chocolate cups in the morning. assemble pies and refrigerate until turkey is done then bake. make gravy after turkey is done and leave in sauce pan so be easily heated up, peel potatoes, cut up put in pot of water with a bit of cream of tarter, cut celery for stuffing. carve turkey and put in other larger crock pot with juices. Plate desserts (fudge, cookies, candies etc... ) then place in fridge. Supper was pizza and salad.
Saturday; (Christmas day) start making stuffing at noon, get potatoes going for mashed potatoes, heat up gravy,heat up frozen corn and make punch at 1:00 (this was just grapefruit soda and pineapple juice with scoops of raspberry sherbet , heat up meats right away in the morning, fill cookie and candy cups. guests arrived about 1:00 ish and we were eating by 2:00 ish.
A little planning goes a long way, I was actually able to sit down and enjoy my food this year. Hope this helps if you have any questions please feel free to leave them in the comments section I will be attempting to add much more this year in frugal tips to save both time and money.
Two weeks before the event I sat down and wrote out our menu including items I knew I would be asking guests to bring. This way nothing gets left out and I can see on paper that it is covered. The week before the event I write on my calendar what I need to do each day according to the menu laid out. I also make certain I have easy meals for that week because I know I will be busy.
Menu items I needed to make: Ham, Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing/dressing, corn, apple pie, pumpkin pie, fudge, cupcakes, ganache filled chocolates and cookie cups and sugar cookies.
Monday: Take out and clean all extra serving dishes, make pie crusts 1- single and 1 - double (wrap tightly in plastic wrap and then place in a Ziploc bag and refrigerate) Do bigger cleaning today and just keep up on all week. Supper is chicken and biscuits this day.
Tuesday: Take ham out to thaw, get out and clean all table linens along with figuring out which tables will be needed and where (folding tables downstairs for the kids, or another one upstairs for food to be placed upon) Bake cupcakes, cool and place in a cake box or any box and cover with plastic wrap. Bake sugar cookies. Supper is tater tot casserole
Wednesday: Take Turkey out to thaw, make fudges (chocolate mint, butterscotch and peanut butter), Supper is leftover buffet. Get ham prepared so only have to put it into the oven in the morning. (I used the Reynolds cooking bags with honey or agave nectar and 1 can pineapple chunks with juices) Doing this the night before also allows the ham to marinate a bit.
Thursday: Last minute cleaning (big cleaning day was earlier in the week and now just have to do a wipe down). Bake ham, slice and put in crock pot with juices. Eating some of the ham this day because there is plenty. Get Turkey all ready to go again with a Reynolds cooking bag sprinkle turkey gravy mix over turkey then a small can of chicken broth and leave in fridge over night. frost and decorate cupcakes. Can frost cookies here but they really do not need to be frosted most people will appreciate something a bit less sweet.
Friday: Put turkey in right away in the morning, make chocolate ganache, fill cookie cups and white chocolate cups in the morning. assemble pies and refrigerate until turkey is done then bake. make gravy after turkey is done and leave in sauce pan so be easily heated up, peel potatoes, cut up put in pot of water with a bit of cream of tarter, cut celery for stuffing. carve turkey and put in other larger crock pot with juices. Plate desserts (fudge, cookies, candies etc... ) then place in fridge. Supper was pizza and salad.
Saturday; (Christmas day) start making stuffing at noon, get potatoes going for mashed potatoes, heat up gravy,heat up frozen corn and make punch at 1:00 (this was just grapefruit soda and pineapple juice with scoops of raspberry sherbet , heat up meats right away in the morning, fill cookie and candy cups. guests arrived about 1:00 ish and we were eating by 2:00 ish.
A little planning goes a long way, I was actually able to sit down and enjoy my food this year. Hope this helps if you have any questions please feel free to leave them in the comments section I will be attempting to add much more this year in frugal tips to save both time and money.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Tears of Transition
For the first time I actually feel like I want to cry about the whole job situation and the trial we are going through. I have said all along that God has it handled. Does that mean then that I am wavering in my faith that the Lord has it handled? No it just means that I am transitioning from merely believing to completely surrendering.
There comes a point where you can either throw up your hands and say I quit or lift your arms to heaven and say I surrender. Not the false sense of surrender where in your heart there is a twinge of well I surrender as long as God gives me what I want but real surrender where you surrender even when he gives you what you don't want. I can not say I am fully where he wants me to be but oh Praise the Lord I am also not any where near where I used to be. I pray that no matter what trial is out there for us we will be so surrendered that the face of Christ is seen not ours.
Love and Prayers,
Kim
There comes a point where you can either throw up your hands and say I quit or lift your arms to heaven and say I surrender. Not the false sense of surrender where in your heart there is a twinge of well I surrender as long as God gives me what I want but real surrender where you surrender even when he gives you what you don't want. I can not say I am fully where he wants me to be but oh Praise the Lord I am also not any where near where I used to be. I pray that no matter what trial is out there for us we will be so surrendered that the face of Christ is seen not ours.
Love and Prayers,
Kim
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Too much binging not enough purging
First and foremost please do not misunderstand my title, I mean no disrespect and am not attempting to be flippant in any way about what is a very serious issue with eating disorders. I speak only of my personal experience and not anyone else.
I had a bit of a wake up call you could say. I have been way too busy with the wrong focus and the wrong direction. I fell back into my old binge type habits with eating and had been focusing on the weight loss aspect when I should have been focusing on purging the sin.
I seem to have had these issues for a very long time. I never seemed to get better just kept transferring my addictions, from alcohol to drugs to cigarettes to food. I keep looking horizontal as if some knight in shining armour is about to arrive on the scene instead of looking vertical so to speak and realizing the dragon has already lost.
I can not stress enough how critical it is that you SHARE, SHARE, SHARE your feelings and heart do not stuff it you do not have enough room. I know this because I have so many times reverted back to eating the way I feel or literally eating my thoughts, feelings and cares good and bad. My sin that I need to purge is the bitterness that keeps attempting to take root in my heart when I do not address things with God first, to examine my heart and then if needed another person in my life.
God is there to bear your burdens and yes you are to come as you are not as you think you should be. You do not go to the shower already clean, dressed and ready do you? No you come filthy, tired and not presentable to anyone. That is how the Lord wants you just as you are. Admit you messed up and sinned against God first and foremost and then accept his forgiveness and be cleansed.
More later
Love and Prayers,
Kim
I had a bit of a wake up call you could say. I have been way too busy with the wrong focus and the wrong direction. I fell back into my old binge type habits with eating and had been focusing on the weight loss aspect when I should have been focusing on purging the sin.
I seem to have had these issues for a very long time. I never seemed to get better just kept transferring my addictions, from alcohol to drugs to cigarettes to food. I keep looking horizontal as if some knight in shining armour is about to arrive on the scene instead of looking vertical so to speak and realizing the dragon has already lost.
I can not stress enough how critical it is that you SHARE, SHARE, SHARE your feelings and heart do not stuff it you do not have enough room. I know this because I have so many times reverted back to eating the way I feel or literally eating my thoughts, feelings and cares good and bad. My sin that I need to purge is the bitterness that keeps attempting to take root in my heart when I do not address things with God first, to examine my heart and then if needed another person in my life.
God is there to bear your burdens and yes you are to come as you are not as you think you should be. You do not go to the shower already clean, dressed and ready do you? No you come filthy, tired and not presentable to anyone. That is how the Lord wants you just as you are. Admit you messed up and sinned against God first and foremost and then accept his forgiveness and be cleansed.
More later
Love and Prayers,
Kim
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Bald tires and Pot holes!
It is easier trust in the Lord when things are going smooth and there seem to be no trials but, when the trials come and times get harder this is when we slip and the flesh cries out to be heard louder and louder.
They say this is where the rubber meets the road. What if your tires are bald and the road is all pot holes? This is when we need to more than ever examine where our faith is at! If we whine about the road and the tires then that is where we are looking, our trust is in the road and the tires and not in the Lord who is so much bigger than that and can keep us in the way we should go.
Maybe sometimes instead of driving we just need to pull over, pray and trust in the one who should be driving in the first place. It is so evident to me that I am given opportunities on a daily basis to trust in the Lord and do not always take the way I should but it is such a glorious thing to follow in his way and I am so blessed to have the church family and the sisters in Christ that I have to keep me grounded in God's direction and help me to deny the Flesh that Satan tugs at.
Love and Prayers,
Kim
They say this is where the rubber meets the road. What if your tires are bald and the road is all pot holes? This is when we need to more than ever examine where our faith is at! If we whine about the road and the tires then that is where we are looking, our trust is in the road and the tires and not in the Lord who is so much bigger than that and can keep us in the way we should go.
Maybe sometimes instead of driving we just need to pull over, pray and trust in the one who should be driving in the first place. It is so evident to me that I am given opportunities on a daily basis to trust in the Lord and do not always take the way I should but it is such a glorious thing to follow in his way and I am so blessed to have the church family and the sisters in Christ that I have to keep me grounded in God's direction and help me to deny the Flesh that Satan tugs at.
Love and Prayers,
Kim
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Smoothies on my computer and roast beef in the phone?
No this is not a test and I do not not really cook this way. I have just become so aware of what a perspective can do to ones day and life for that matter.
If I view my computer any different than one of my appliances I am in trouble. It is no more important than my toaster, blender or washing machine. I use it as a tool to run my house as efficiently as possible and minister by God's grace.
When I begin to view it as a toy or form of recreation I am in trouble because that is how Satan would have me to look at it.
The same is true for the phone, as much as I love to talk and yes I love to talk, I can not afford to waste my whole day on the phone and fool myself into thinking that I can multi task and be on guard against Satan and his buddies. I can not stretch my attention that far and it is not fair to the ones God has blessed me with. Prov 14:23 In all labor there is profit, But idle chatter leads only to poverty. nkjv
I am finally a true homeschooling mom this year. I say that because I was wasting precious time on the phone last year fooling myself pridefully thinking I could multi task and gab the hours away, but I hurt my home and family by not giving them the full attention they deserved and even more I hurt the Lord because my testimony was not showing his glory to my children in any way at all. I take full responsibility for what I was and was not doing but, I now know that taking responsibility does not equal self pity.
So as ridiculous as the title sounds that is how ridiculous it is to think that my phone and computer can ever be perceived as anything more important than my blender or my oven. My walk and testimony depend upon it. Prov 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish woman pulls it down with her hands. nkjv. I would much rather build my house.
Love and Prayers,
Kim
If I view my computer any different than one of my appliances I am in trouble. It is no more important than my toaster, blender or washing machine. I use it as a tool to run my house as efficiently as possible and minister by God's grace.
When I begin to view it as a toy or form of recreation I am in trouble because that is how Satan would have me to look at it.
The same is true for the phone, as much as I love to talk and yes I love to talk, I can not afford to waste my whole day on the phone and fool myself into thinking that I can multi task and be on guard against Satan and his buddies. I can not stretch my attention that far and it is not fair to the ones God has blessed me with. Prov 14:23 In all labor there is profit, But idle chatter leads only to poverty. nkjv
I am finally a true homeschooling mom this year. I say that because I was wasting precious time on the phone last year fooling myself pridefully thinking I could multi task and gab the hours away, but I hurt my home and family by not giving them the full attention they deserved and even more I hurt the Lord because my testimony was not showing his glory to my children in any way at all. I take full responsibility for what I was and was not doing but, I now know that taking responsibility does not equal self pity.
So as ridiculous as the title sounds that is how ridiculous it is to think that my phone and computer can ever be perceived as anything more important than my blender or my oven. My walk and testimony depend upon it. Prov 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish woman pulls it down with her hands. nkjv. I would much rather build my house.
Love and Prayers,
Kim
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