Realistically Living

Relapse

2011-06-27T23:36:00.000-07:00

I binge it's what I do. It used to be alcohol (sober 20 years last April) but now it is food. It is not who I am it is what I do to cover up the inadequate feelings I have about myself. I know all of the buzz words and all of the reasons that I should not feel this way but it does not make it go away. I binge when I am angry, stressed, feeling like I failed in some way or want to avoid conflict which only creates inner conflict then leads to binge sessions.

I say this only so others will not think they are alone. I have heard it said that confession is good for the soul and mine is so weary as of late. I am tired of fakery and pretending that the ugly things in life don't exist. I can only work on the ugly in my life when I acknowledge that it is there and I am not perfect at it and probably never will be.

I am very blessed to have the Lord in my life and will continue to seek him because as long as I have been fighting this addiction it is only he that brings relief. I don't ask that you understand in the sense of attempting to help me cure this I only ask that you understand in the attempt to not judge me for this. Love is all I ask. Baby steps in everything for now.

Love and Prayers,
Kim

No Magic!!!

2011-01-21T12:39:00.000-08:00

I wanted to do a touchdown dance this week. I weighed in and lost 3 pounds over all and 2 inches off of my tummy. It may not sound like much to most people but I earned every bit of it on the bike and treadmill. I made a commitment to myself that I am going to communicate better..fret less and stop eating my inadequacies. I am not perfect I realize that and that is ok...I finally accept that part.

There is no magic pill or powder or potion. There is hard work educating yourself and not feeling guilty about making time for yourself. I am on a journey of health and wellness that includes all of me physical emotional and spiritual. I am more comfortable in my skin everyday and have never felt better in my life. I will keep you up dated.

The formula I am using is taking your current weight x 7 = daily calorie allowance... then divide that by 4 = how much for each meal (breakfast, lunch and supper) then the last 1/4 left divide by 2 and that is how many calories you can have at each snack time. You have to recalculate every 5 pound weight loss so you keep losing and make certain you get healthy calories not empty. I do not have the calculations for maintenance yet but we will cross that bridge as we get closer.

If you like mayo but not the calories make your own at only 12 calories per serving;
1/2 cup FF Yogurt (120g)

1/2 cup 1% Cottage Cheese (120g)

2 tsp Dijon Mustard (reduce if you are not a mustard fan)

1 tsp Olive Oil (opt. - improves texture and flavor)

1/4 tsp Ground Mustard Seed (opt. - adds some 'kick')

1/2 tsp Garlic Powder

1/2 tsp Onion Powder

1/4 tsp Salt (opt. - but brings out the flavors well)

Directions
combine all ingredients in a measuring cup or other narrow round container. Blend with a Stick Blender until everything is smooth.

makes 16 servings (1Tbsp)

Variations:

for Tartar Sauce:
add chopped dill pickles, horse radish

for Ranch:
add dill weed, parsley, green onions

for Southwestern style dip
add 3 TBSP hot salsa, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1/2 tsp mild chili powder, 1/2 tsp paprika

Celebration Sanity 101

2010-12-31T19:41:00.000-08:00

Just thought my first post for the new year or last post for the old year should be a helpful one. I don't know about anyone else but I love to have people over and I love to cook for everyone. It does not have to be a crazy stressful time if you are prepared. I will share my preparedness plan with you that can be applied to just about any get together.

Two weeks before the event I sat down and wrote out our menu including items I knew I would be asking guests to bring. This way nothing gets left out and I can see on paper that it is covered. The week before the event I write on my calendar what I need to do each day according to the menu laid out. I also make certain I have easy meals for that week because I know I will be busy.

Menu items I needed to make: Ham, Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing/dressing, corn, apple pie, pumpkin pie, fudge, cupcakes, ganache filled chocolates and cookie cups and sugar cookies.

Monday: Take out and clean all extra serving dishes, make pie crusts 1- single and 1 - double (wrap tightly in plastic wrap and then place in a Ziploc bag and refrigerate) Do bigger cleaning today and just keep up on all week. Supper is chicken and biscuits this day.

Tuesday: Take ham out to thaw, get out and clean all table linens along with figuring out which tables will be needed and where (folding tables downstairs for the kids, or another one upstairs for food to be placed upon) Bake cupcakes, cool and place in a cake box or any box and cover with plastic wrap. Bake sugar cookies. Supper is tater tot casserole

Wednesday: Take Turkey out to thaw, make fudges (chocolate mint, butterscotch and peanut butter), Supper is leftover buffet. Get ham prepared so only have to put it into the oven in the morning. (I used the Reynolds cooking bags with honey or agave nectar and 1 can pineapple chunks with juices) Doing this the night before also allows the ham to marinate a bit.

Thursday: Last minute cleaning (big cleaning day was earlier in the week and now just have to do a wipe down). Bake ham, slice and put in crock pot with juices. Eating some of the ham this day because there is plenty. Get Turkey all ready to go again with a Reynolds cooking bag sprinkle turkey gravy mix over turkey then a small can of chicken broth and leave in fridge over night. frost and decorate cupcakes. Can frost cookies here but they really do not need to be frosted most people will appreciate something a bit less sweet.

Friday: Put turkey in right away in the morning, make chocolate ganache, fill cookie cups and white chocolate cups in the morning. assemble pies and refrigerate until turkey is done then bake. make gravy after turkey is done and leave in sauce pan so be easily heated up, peel potatoes, cut up put in pot of water with a bit of cream of tarter, cut celery for stuffing. carve turkey and put in other larger crock pot with juices. Plate desserts (fudge, cookies, candies etc... ) then place in fridge. Supper was pizza and salad.

Saturday; (Christmas day) start making stuffing at noon, get potatoes going for mashed potatoes, heat up gravy,heat up frozen corn and make punch at 1:00 (this was just grapefruit soda and pineapple juice with scoops of raspberry sherbet , heat up meats right away in the morning, fill cookie and candy cups. guests arrived about 1:00 ish and we were eating by 2:00 ish.

A little planning goes a long way, I was actually able to sit down and enjoy my food this year. Hope this helps if you have any questions please feel free to leave them in the comments section I will be attempting to add much more this year in frugal tips to save both time and money.

Tears of Transition

2010-07-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

For the first time I actually feel like I want to cry about the whole job situation and the trial we are going through. I have said all along that God has it handled. Does that mean then that I am wavering in my faith that the Lord has it handled? No it just means that I am transitioning from merely believing to completely surrendering.

There comes a point where you can either throw up your hands and say I quit or lift your arms to heaven and say I surrender. Not the false sense of surrender where in your heart there is a twinge of well I surrender as long as God gives me what I want but real surrender where you surrender even when he gives you what you don't want. I can not say I am fully where he wants me to be but oh Praise the Lord I am also not any where near where I used to be. I pray that no matter what trial is out there for us we will be so surrendered that the face of Christ is seen not ours.

Love and Prayers,
Kim

Too much binging not enough purging

2010-06-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

First and foremost please do not misunderstand my title, I mean no disrespect and am not attempting to be flippant in any way about what is a very serious issue with eating disorders. I speak only of my personal experience and not anyone else.

I had a bit of a wake up call you could say. I have been way too busy with the wrong focus and the wrong direction. I fell back into my old binge type habits with eating and had been focusing on the weight loss aspect when I should have been focusing on purging the sin.

I seem to have had these issues for a very long time. I never seemed to get better just kept transferring my addictions, from alcohol to drugs to cigarettes to food. I keep looking horizontal as if some knight in shining armour is about to arrive on the scene instead of looking vertical so to speak and realizing the dragon has already lost.

I can not stress enough how critical it is that you SHARE, SHARE, SHARE your feelings and heart do not stuff it you do not have enough room. I know this because I have so many times reverted back to eating the way I feel or literally eating my thoughts, feelings and cares good and bad. My sin that I need to purge is the bitterness that keeps attempting to take root in my heart when I do not address things with God first, to examine my heart and then if needed another person in my life.

God is there to bear your burdens and yes you are to come as you are not as you think you should be. You do not go to the shower already clean, dressed and ready do you? No you come filthy, tired and not presentable to anyone. That is how the Lord wants you just as you are. Admit you messed up and sinned against God first and foremost and then accept his forgiveness and be cleansed.

More later
Love and Prayers,
Kim

Bald tires and Pot holes!

2009-10-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

It is easier trust in the Lord when things are going smooth and there seem to be no trials but, when the trials come and times get harder this is when we slip and the flesh cries out to be heard louder and louder.

They say this is where the rubber meets the road. What if your tires are bald and the road is all pot holes? This is when we need to more than ever examine where our faith is at! If we whine about the road and the tires then that is where we are looking, our trust is in the road and the tires and not in the Lord who is so much bigger than that and can keep us in the way we should go.

Maybe sometimes instead of driving we just need to pull over, pray and trust in the one who should be driving in the first place. It is so evident to me that I am given opportunities on a daily basis to trust in the Lord and do not always take the way I should but it is such a glorious thing to follow in his way and I am so blessed to have the church family and the sisters in Christ that I have to keep me grounded in God's direction and help me to deny the Flesh that Satan tugs at.

Love and Prayers,
Kim

Smoothies on my computer and roast beef in the phone?

2009-10-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

No this is not a test and I do not not really cook this way. I have just become so aware of what a perspective can do to ones day and life for that matter.

If I view my computer any different than one of my appliances I am in trouble. It is no more important than my toaster, blender or washing machine. I use it as a tool to run my house as efficiently as possible and minister by God's grace.

When I begin to view it as a toy or form of recreation I am in trouble because that is how Satan would have me to look at it.

The same is true for the phone, as much as I love to talk and yes I love to talk, I can not afford to waste my whole day on the phone and fool myself into thinking that I can multi task and be on guard against Satan and his buddies. I can not stretch my attention that far and it is not fair to the ones God has blessed me with. Prov 14:23 In all labor there is profit, But idle chatter leads only to poverty. nkjv

I am finally a true homeschooling mom this year. I say that because I was wasting precious time on the phone last year fooling myself pridefully thinking I could multi task and gab the hours away, but I hurt my home and family by not giving them the full attention they deserved and even more I hurt the Lord because my testimony was not showing his glory to my children in any way at all. I take full responsibility for what I was and was not doing but, I now know that taking responsibility does not equal self pity.

So as ridiculous as the title sounds that is how ridiculous it is to think that my phone and computer can ever be perceived as anything more important than my blender or my oven. My walk and testimony depend upon it. Prov 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish woman pulls it down with her hands. nkjv. I would much rather build my house.

Love and Prayers,
Kim

Broken hearted goodbye

2009-09-29T17:49:00.001-07:00

We had an extremely eventful day today. Not just because we had to put our hamster to sleep but because two of us had to grow up. I have been through the loss of a pet more times than I care to remember and although it never gets easy this one was the hardest yet.

We stood in the vets office with the same feeling or thought in the back of our minds that we knew he would not make it but, when the words actually came out of his mouth and my little girl's heart was broken she went from 11 year old little girl to 11 year old big girl. My heart sank and broke right along with hers but not because of the hamster directly , because this was one of those hurts I could not kiss away.

This was a big girl hurt that was as bad as it could get at that moment. When he said there was no hope but what did we want to do? I could not imagine putting that decision into her sweet little hands as she cried over her best little buddy. I asked her if she wanted me to decide so she would not have to. She gave me such a relieved look and yet so much sadness. We both grew up a bit more today, and Lord willing I believe this was in a way the glue we needed.

She will experience more hurt in her life and I know it is part of growing up, I just need to make certain she is always pointed to the Lord for the only comfort that will truly heal the broken heart and make goodbye not sting so bad.

It may have only been a hamster to many but the situation was an opportunity to gain some more ground in my big girl's heart. Praise God for every teaching moment large and small, happy and sad.

Love and Prayers,
Kim

Nothing Between

2009-09-05T19:20:00.000-07:00

I am so struck by the fact that I wasted so much time with bitterness and anger. I missed so much joy, peace, and contentment. Joy in the simple things peace with the crazy times and contentment in just having a small still voice to listen to.

Today was our 17th wedding anniversary and we spent the day going to a farmers market, a vegetable stand and picking apples with the kids at an orchard. We were walking along at the orchard with the kids in front of us talking about the fact that we never dreamed we would be so very blessed. Blessed with three amazing kids, a strong church, a strong marriage and above all a much stronger relationship with the Lord than we ever had.

These blessings would have gone unnoticed and unappreciated without one simple act of surrender. I had to get something right recently and when the channel opened up and there was nothing between my soul and the savior blessings poured out from every direction. True blessings not materialistic temporary false nonsense but true blessings, like being able to be a blessing to others, being able to be used of the Lord in different situations with other church family, and other mom's.

Now that I have experienced this type of reality in Christ my on going prayer is for others to experience it and for me to have nothing between. May you always strive for this with me.

Love and Prayers,
Kim

Bitterness like a wild fire

2009-08-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

I am so amazed these days at just how many people are bitter and do not even realize it. I was not so long ago and can be again not so very far into the future if I choose not to stay in the word and not have connected time with the Lord. Yes I said choose because it is a choice to stay in the word and to keep that most important relationship alive. God never turned his back on me I was the one who stopped listening.

I have been so awakened to the fact that just one bitter comment to the right person can spread like a wild fire through a community of believers and we women are wonderful kindling for those fires if we do not mind our testimonies. Proverbs 16:3 Commit your works to the Lord. And your thoughts will be established. Not one word in that verse says anything about complaining to friends and you will feel better, just vent it out or anything even similar yet, It has been recent that I have heard several sisters in Christ complaining.

I understand that sometimes things need to be resolved but the Lord is clear that is supposed to be done with the parties directly involved not anyone in the hall or anyone we can call. I am sad for these ladies because they have given into the anger of the situations and stirred the coals of bitterness with a result of a constant burning. The true joy comes when we realize not everything has to be an argument and we submit to authority. It is not easy but it is a sweet gift we can give to those in leadership. Until next time.

Thoughts and Prayers,
Kim

Don't panic!! God already has it handled!!

2009-08-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been on a roller coaster and the moments leading up to the long climb when everyone is handing over tickets, loading up and securing belongings? The anticipation of the fear and thrill and fear then thrill. Well that is where I am at these days.

We got the official word that hubby has no more job and now we start the long climb to where ever the Lord has for us to go and how ever he would have us to get there. I will attempt to share my heart any wisdom, tears and gut level honest experiences that I can. It is my intention to be a blessing and share my heart with you along the way.

I almost feel flippant when friends say I am so sorry because I am so focused on all of our recent blessings and how the Lord is growing us as a family that I forget about the job situation. My usual response is "oh the Lord has that handled already", and he does I know it in my soul but I still need to be on guard always and prayed up in a constant state of seeking him. There can be "nothing between my soul and the savior" I

I am very excited to see what the Lord has in store for us. What a wonderful journey. Until the next episode sweet dreams.

Thoughts and Prayers,

Kim

Demons

2009-02-03T19:42:00.000-08:00

First - final root canal went great!!!

Thank you!!! Next to all of us with demons of any sort they can be kicked to the curb but, it takes a lot more work than we realize and know that in my heart of hearts I am on your side and you have a friend, a fellow soldier as it were in the trenches with you. So if you ever think your alone, guess again, remember just communicating with each other and sharing your heart is something you did today to make yourself proud and I am proud of you for that. Kim

Update on Root Canals

2009-02-03T19:41:00.001-08:00

Update on root canals -

The double happened this morning and aside from talking like James Cagney for a while I am doing fine and never felt a thing!!! I am so encouraged and am here to tell you it can be done. I have one single root canal for tomorrow morning and am not even nervous. This is what I did today that made me feel proud!!

What are your demons?

2009-01-31T20:51:00.000-08:00

It never ceases to amaze me how many times I have done the diet thing, only to back off when I get too close to myself and the truth of what I think I can not handle.
For me my biggest demon right now is a dental phobia that I need to face and punch square in the nose. I am having 3 root canals done this week and am actually excited to be going for the victory.
I have always struggled with this because no matter how much I worked on the outside it was as if I had this ugliness that I knew was there and never realized just how much this fear held me back.
What demons are you willing to face to be the best you that God intended you to be?

Schedules continued

2008-08-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

To continue from my last post you do not need fancy planners that cost hundreds of dollars and that no one has the time to learn.

Start by getting yourself a standard binder, you decide how thick , then tabbed dividers,page protectors and some clear plastic zippered envelopes the kind with the holes to go in your binder like pages. Now is a great time to get all of this because of the back to school sales.

You should have one section for each of your children and one main section for yourself. Make yourself a list of the information you want in your section for each of your kids. I will give you some more detailed information for the sections in my next installment of to sanity and beyond. Have a blessed day.

Thoughts and Prayers,
Mom

Schedules Schedules and More Schedules

2008-08-17T18:38:00.000-07:00

We have them for work for church even for our everyday appointments but why stop there? We believe that people in the work force and children need them but what about housewives, stay at home mom's? Everybody needs some type of schedule. Don't give me the free spirit garbage either that is just an excuse to not want to be responsible or just and excuse to be lazy.

Do you realize how much time and sanity you can save by investing the time upfront to make schedules? I have separate schedules for each one of my 3 kids and myself that all inter act with each other. One set for summer and one set for the school year. I also have my larger household cleaning jobs on a schedule. I know you say well my kids are in a school all day and I don't need one well yes you do.

Be strong and get yourself disciplined enough to get it done and stick to it. Even a meal plan is a schedule of sorts. One big tip for the at home all day Moms set a timer when you get a personal phone call and let the caller know right away that you will not be able to talk for long. You have a previous appointment . They don't need to know it is wit your chores or things yo need to attend to. Above all remain teachable. Don't know where to start and can not afford fancy planners? You do not need one, Look in my next blog (coming soon) for the answers you seek.

Thoughts and Prayers,
Mom